Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
I don't know what you're talking about but its dick galore in the tub. We will be getting poked tonight. Bring forks.
I just typed in random letters on his address bar... 5 out of the 6....a porn site was in the drop down list hahahahaha get a life bro.
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
Randomize
