worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE.
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
Come back. Shots need mouths.
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
Randomize
