umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
all I remember was being half naked drinking water on my hands and knees from her dogs water bowl.
The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
Randomize
