so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
yeah a little bit of me felt bad about it. But the rest of me was having sex with him.
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
I wasn't an ass in college so much more like I showed my ass a lot especially during serious beerpong games. You know I don't fuck around when it comes to sports.
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
Randomize
