just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
It's official drugs can't kill me
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
So im waiting for someone at grand central and i look up AND THE ENTIRE BALCONY IS FILLED WITH BOY SCOUTS I AM TERRIFIED
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
Randomize
