is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
THERE IS A VIDEO OF DMX SINGING RUDOLPH THE RED NOSE REINDEER
I'm officially in the Christmas spirit
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
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