You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
You do realize the lyrics aren't "hold me close TONY DANZA" right?
You can't be serious.
never have i ever had a craving for dick this badly
I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
her mom went out of her way to book us a room with separate beds... her level of gay denial is in beast mode
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
I might go to an NA meeting just to fuck that boy in the bathroom.
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
Randomize
