how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
If you die in college, do you die in real life?
I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
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