dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
Me. At least after what I've been through.
She told me she cured her bulemia by popping hydrocodone after she ate. that way she would be rewarded for not puking. I like the way she thinks
ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
Also he wants to know a casual, consise way to ask a girl in a bar if he could eat her out. Think on that.
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
THAT'S NOT NICE
NEITHER WAS PROMISING NOT TO TAKE MY SISTER'S VIRGINITY, THEN PROMPTLY DOING SO
I'm a girl who met my last three bfs in gay clubs. Think I'm doing something wrong?
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
Randomize
