remember them days when you seriously wanted your mom to marry rev run and we would always talk shit about justine?
joeyyyy why you always taken cheeseburgers from me?!?!?!
Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
Yeah. We was talkin. Its ok. My bed is too filled with pam for sex. Its like a slip and slide of butter product.
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
But seriously I don't know. I haven't seen her since I gave her back her 3 blind mice stick, and she just started hitting everybody with it.
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
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