Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
Indoor beer darts at Rafs just turned into a trust exercise of putting your hand on the wall and closing your eyes while the other throws.. Almost gave Cale a Tracheotomy
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
I asked if anyone's pants felt wet on the bottom, like a half hour after mine did. I had just peed my pants i had gotten so high no biggie
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
So I got my junk pierced since we've fucked. You should get in on this.
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
I love you. Go after that dick
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
Randomize
