he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
i'm not the one sitting naked in my room playing with my boobs and a cat.
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
Randomize
