People in love make me want to vomit
she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
Randomize
