you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
he would snap chat his dick as like Harry Potter
ITS THE FIRST FRIDAY NIGJT AFTER MOVING IN WITH THE NEW ROOMIE AND I ACTUALLY JIST RIPPED MY TAMPON OUT AND THREW IT IN THE NEIGHBORS YARD WERE GOINF ON THE BOAT AND SLEPEING IN HIS AMBULANCE GOODNIGHT
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
Randomize
