ok shes still asleep, should i pee on her and say she did it herself? and by the time you respond to this ill probably have already made the decision
he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
i have a dinosaur tramp stamp
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
Randomize
