I'm sorry that you just had your first misguided homo experience
the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
Hey history final, how's it feel to be raped in the ass by my steel cock of ACADEMIC PERFECTION?
you are way too vulgar to be a girl
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
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