U Should have said " it's ok baby most girls Sh*t when I do that.
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
But today feels so special with katie getting herpes and me cleaning my room. Good things are happening.
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
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