Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
So the bros are yelling at another bro to get that dildo off the roof. And there is indeed a dildo looking object on the roof.
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
Me too. We could do it like prostitutes. No kissing on the mouth.
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
However today I got my lube that might I add was dripping out of the box. I'd like to think my mailman was mixing business with pleasure.
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
Is it bad that I'm not at all bothered by the fact that to some people I'm simply known as the girl that takes her shirt off?
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
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