wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
Have you not heard of Jennifer's supreme lust for William Shatner? She wants to eat Taco Bell off of his love handles
I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
The panties match.
I'll be right there.
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
I'm pretty sure we scarred one of our coworkers. This is the second time he has caught us both fully undressed and banging at work.
Either he has bad timing or he wants to join.
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
These last 48 hours have just been about deleting my most recent snap story
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
Randomize
