oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
I've never seen an uncircumcised dick in real life and the internet indicates I don't want to.
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
Randomize
