just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
I had a new years resolution not to be a whore anymore, but I think I'm gonna wait till 2011
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
Normally getting fucked up with the owner and suggesting he motorboat me wouldn’t help my chances of a promotion, but this is 2020 and he definitely enjoyed it
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