Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
We got them high and they had an hour long debate on the best way to get cum out of eyes.
you better fuck at least one or both of them.
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
I started drinking at around 8.. Started heavily drinking around 815.
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
i think i just asked a donut if it was ok
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
Can I just go to one establishment in which I haven't banged anyone ?
Randomize
