I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
I will read books by day and do guys by night. A mental and physical enlightenment, if you will.
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
Randomize
