Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
drinking out of a sandbucket again
This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
yea. Don't mess. He will heal me. But my blowjobs will be historical.
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
i feel sensations at the ends of my beard. Either I am super high. Or my face has accepted my beard and I completed my transformation to Mecca
The sex may be the only reason I like him. I've confused the multiple orgasms for feelings.
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
To describe how high he was he said, " I'm cocked out of my ape sandwich" so yes...that was some pretty good weed.
Try me, you 5'5 gremlin
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
Randomize
