I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
i have a feeling he has a nice dick. i can just sense it.
thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
yeah, but i heard shes schizophrenic
i wouldn't even care dude, i'd fuck her and all 7 of her personalities.
The beers last night were like the tears from god
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
please, i've had weekends with less dignity than this.
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
hitting rock bottom is getting taziki in your hair & simply putting it in a bun instead of actually dealing with it, just like your problems
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
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