I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
home. puking in laundry basket.
it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
We're making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
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