I want to stick my p in your. b.
it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
what is college for if not random hookup sex?
learning.
i would literally fuck learning if i could.
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
The higher i get, the less gay he looks, and the more i want to make out with him. This is dangerous.
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
Randomize
