guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
i can smell the iron from margo's period blood from across the table.
I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
I miss the smell of you or some shit.
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
Randomize
