His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
SHE MASTURBATED TO THE THOUGHT OF ME HAVING AN ALL DUDE THREESOME WITH HER EX BOYFRIENDS.
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
I just remembered I casually gave you a tour of the house after we boned...lol
Randomize
