i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
Randomize
