i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
Nothing says "I'm a sorority girl" like puking at 830 in the am, wearing my anti-hazing pin, and getting ready for a tea party.
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
We found her on the balcony debating if it was easier to jump or throw up. Neither decision would not have been good for the 91 year old below us.
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
Of course I have to cross through a walk for hunger
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
got cock blocked by the cops again. two of the cops were the same ones from that t bell incident and they recognized me... they still dont like me
Randomize
