I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
Dude she's on meds. He has a ginormous penis. Ur A dumbass. That concludes our feelings chat. Dim Sumday?
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
Hey babe! Random question. Do you by chance have the pic of my nipples covered with ninja turtles band aids? Thanks.
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
Randomize