I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
I'm on a cruise to the Bahamas and this text message is gunna cost me $10 but I need you to pray on my behalf for the things I'm about to do these 2 girls and what I did last night to a 35 year old mother of 3.
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
I couldn't drink enough to fuck the friend, you said challenge accepted and stole some chicks shot.
She called it a palate cleanser. She and her friend dike it out once a year before returning to dick
Together or do they pick up? How far do they go? IS AN AUDIENCE PERMITTED? GODAMIT ANSWERS MAN!!!!!!
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
Randomize