She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
all I know is he gave me a Cialis and tried to take me home.
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
like i got into his car and the beatles were playing. this kid is def getting his dick sucked
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
well you're talking to a woman who had glorious sex less than 24 hrs ago so my opinion is biased.
Randomize
