My room smells like vodka and shame
just realized i've hooked up with 3/4 of the guys here COOL
thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
Randomize
