so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
I don't care if its bassically 3rd world. A country without a drinking age is a country without a drinking age.
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
You were fine, but your knee injury definitely came from interpretive dancing like a gay fairy with lead wings all around the Mission St BART. Everyone thought you were on drugs.
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
Randomize
