I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
He is asleep with his dick hanging out of my my little pony pajamas. I am required to wake this man up by blowjob
Your sexual fantasies often terrify me but get a pic
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
Is it illegal to hookup with your fathers god child?
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
There will be bowls smoken and not a single fuck will be given.
Randomize
