The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
He ended up buying the equivalent of dinner at a Mexican place, in weed
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
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