i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
Whssdazt areerg yiu up to? U thijk ur lame!
read your last text- its a foreign language-im not ignoring you, easyyy
He told me he had never done that before...I responded with "clearly"
Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
third nipple confirmed
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
Randomize
