i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
That was the apt with beer in the juice and the floor caving in. Don't go.
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
Randomize
