when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
i got iced as i was inside of her. i fucking hate my friends
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
Guys, I'm sleeping in the BOYNTON LAUNDRY ROOM. if you can, come let me out in the morning as I have no keys. I might be in the study room possibly. DON'T FORGET. I will be trapped
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
Randomize
