your parents love me but you hate me
2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
It's always exciting to touch a new boob.
I don't remember anything other than how good it felt when I peed my pants.
all i remember is being at the diner with her at 3am and her storming into the kitchen to make sure the chef gave me regular fries instead of home fries.
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
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