chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
its a vaginal recession for me, ill take what i can get
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
Im currently watching two girls making out. In the library. Hope your studying is going as good as mine is. Haha
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
she paid $15 and a box of cheerios for their acid
so much tequila, so little girl.
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
Randomize
