Midget sex pt 2 tonight
So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
It's fine...I've done worse things to better people.
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
Randomize
