i wanna do a homemade sex video in sepia and pretend were in the early 20th c
Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
Dude...disintegrating condoms. Think about it. For all the guys that wanna go raw dog but their girls won't let them, and for the girls that wanna get pregnant but their guys don't want a kid. What do you think?
I think you've been hitting the soco too hard again.
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
Randomize
