OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
Princeton has an emergency contraception worldwide website. It is in moments like these that I love my university
If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
If your 8 lb baby was ham it would serve 6-8 people
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
Randomize
