my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
He tried to carry her to her room after she passed out, but when he picked her up she came back to, saw him, screamed rape and pulled out her vuvuzela app and blasting it like a rape whistle.
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
just pleasured myself to USA hockey beating Russia in the shoot out. god bless America.
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
Randomize
