Dude if it is possible to orgasm from shitting i think it just happened.
and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
Someone shat in the 1st floor west girls hall. Literally SHAT in the hallway
That's what she gets for taking his peeps.
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
we are currently watching a singalong porn...just thought you should know
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
Randomize
