While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
Randomize
