but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
Remember, ur body isn't a visitors center
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
Randomize
