ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
Kegger tonight. 10pm. $5 coverfor unlimited booze. Proceeds benefit nuns from Uganda. Bring friends. No shit.
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
Randomize
