It's hipsters with their motorcycle cop mustaches, moccasins, douchey irony, and department stores to supply their independent conformity
Something's gotta give!
Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
Had sex outside for the third time last night. Mosquito bites all over my ass, and i think i have a rash on my nipples. When will i learn.
Just wait till winter
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
Randomize
