8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
3rd rule of buttsex she must be clean and shower recently
and skipped dinner
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
i was mezmorized. she was the most beautiful girl that looked like a boy i ever seen
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
What do you mean not that crazy? I had sex last night. with my\nBOSS. in the restaurant where we WORK.... ON A DINNER TABLE.
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
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