Who do you think planted the wheat? Who do you think cleared the land and killed off the native inhabitants? Women?
yeah that pretty much nipped itself in the bud when I realized i could see her whiteheads glowing in the blacklight
They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
I mean...he was throwing up for almost 3 consecutive hours. I don't think there's a chance in hell that would have tasted even close to tolerable.
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
That man fucks like a champ. The sex was so good I did him again in the morning just to be sure
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