you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
Small dicks are the new regular sized dicks.
girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
But I just had this pork pâté. It was dick grabbing.
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
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