It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
I thought my ass was sore from the gym then I realized it was from being spanked. Confusing time in my life.
Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art?
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
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