He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
I'm not gonna lie; I was dosed with mushrooms and am eating pickles with a guy in all white. It's weird, but I'm down. Help.
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
he said didn't have much sexual experience and then proceeded to tell me he is going to make me cum harder than my vibrator could
well, that escalated quicky
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Randomize
