i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
I would give a kidney to fuck him and he knows it. That bastard.
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
Randomize
