I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
yeah, we don't understand. the wings losing for guys is like girls finding objects in their body..just weird and sad
12 garbage cans filled with water, a beer can floating in every garbage can, 20 ft. apart and you shoot with dodge balls..and thats only how the night began
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
ONE DAY CAN WE PLEASE HAVE SECRET SEX. PREFERABLY IN AN ANCIENT PYRAMID BUT I'M NOT OPPOSED TO A 4 STAR HOTEL
I forget how to act sober
Randomize
