I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
I made out with Jen. We were naked. I'm still gay. Forever
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
Randomize
