I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
Fuck it. I'm going for it. You're only young once, right?
You've been saying that for 5 years now. Let me know when the novelty wears off.
Randomize