I want to walk on stilts...naked
I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
Idk. Each time I ask him about double teaming a woman with Dennis Rodman he just giggles. We will never know what to believe.
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
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