This guy has a retainer. We're golden.
we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
He wanted me to do the rubix cube. He thought it was hot.
Randomize
