just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
Want to know what makes for a better story than treehouse sex? Getting busted during treehouse sex
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
Randomize
