Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
Its become more of a routine.. Whenever I get done eating and have left overs I just take it over to his house and throw it all over the walls and windows. Pay backs a bitch ehhhh
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
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