i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
coke and sex party at dan's
im watching greys anatomy with megan...
wha-pishhh
ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
Those nachos came to me in a dream
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
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