I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
He tagged himself in all of my pictures so he would get a notification if someone commented on it.
Restraining orders are what college is about.
you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
Randomize
