he told me I talked like a deaf person
NoDDING MY HEAD LIKE uyuEAH MOViUNG MY HiPS LioKe YEAhhhhhhhhhhh
wow.
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
Randomize