Define "chronic" masturbator.
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
Thank you for FINALLY joining the Slutasorus Rex club in this conversation.
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
It goes to show, Sane person, daddy doms, little girls, all of us may seem different but deep inside we all grow wisdom teeth
Randomize
