I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
No one suspects that a sweet girl who is excited about her anniversary with her bf just blew her partner at work in a communal area a few hours ago, so its cool.
She wants me to spank her and yell "Kerry! Your father is disappointed with your choices!" Fuck up but crazy hot? Or just fuck up crazy?
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
If we accept the love we think we deserve do we also accept the sex we think we deserve?
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
Randomize
