I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
This night could easily degenerate into a drunken haze of strippers and gambling, but I need a support network.
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
I know I may be showing my age by saying this but this is the first time I have been eaten out in the parking lot behind the Clairmont Inn since 1990
Randomize
