We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
I have to touch the horse lube. :-(
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
Randomize
