They say you shouldnt they say its no good for the environment in your vagina
Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
So feel off my bed lastnight into the trashcan. On the plus side i thought under my bed was a cave and i went exsploring
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
In my opinion the party was fun, but i did A LOT of cocaine so my view was a little distorted......
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
Randomize