My room smells like vodka and shame
Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
you ever wonder how lesbians feel about girls being in relationships with other girls on facebook? could it annoy them more than it annoys me?
best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
Hmmm just stalked him and according to his facebook he wants "whatever he can get." obviously he'd be open to the idea.
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
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