So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
I just found our entire wall-to-wall from September 2006 printed out and clipped... it's 49 pages. Blackout me is so considerate of bored-at-work me
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
Worst sex ever! He was a talker for sure! I was on top and out of no where he said "Oh you bad bitch?" I stopped and left.
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
Randomize
