I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
I love flavors. My neighbour is owide smoking and so am I. I'm adio boooooored and I need an adult.
So were u tired or drunk when u wrote last night's text message?
pills.
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
Randomize