I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
well on a positive note i hear those vitamins you take while pregnant do wonders for your nails
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
dude, shes trippin so bad. idk what shes on, she just told me she doesnt remember her name then proceeded to get in the shower clothed to try to "rinse off the high"
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
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