your parents love me but you hate me
I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
He was crying to my sister about feeling like a bad person. Then he groped my breasts.
Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
About to find out how well alcohol and lazer tag mix.
the last girl i hooked up with and the last guy i hooked up with are hooking up right now. this is where bisexuality becomes a problem.
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
Randomize
